Understanding Suicide

If you know someone who has considered or attempted suicide:

• Don't assume they are "crazy"

• Don't assume that their frame of mind will effect your life- it will only affect your life if you care about them and your response will show that.

• Realize- The event/situation that is causing them duress may not bother you, but they may find it devastating. They may have had different standards, plans, or goals from you. Allow them to feel their feelings. They may feel a loss that you would never feel.

• Don't downplay or disregard their feelings if they share them with you. Give them the most serious regard.

• Don't avoid them. They may have a tendancy to retreat from life or they may be trying really hard to deal with life. You can help them feel connected and give them an opportunity to deal with issues by not avoiding them. They really need to feel normal as much as possible, as soon as possible. If you avoid them you may add to their feelings of worthlessness.

• Don't pry. Be available, but don't pry. Don't assume they know you are available or that everything is alright just because they don't contact you. If you are concerned, take the initiative to keep in contact. This would be a good plan for anyone about whom we care.

• Don't try to get them to push the suicidal thoughts or attempts into a dark abyss. The events must be dealt with before they start fading away. You not hearing them will not change how the person feels.

• Avoid guilt trips-- reminding the person of things that cause guilt over these feelings ADDS to the burden they bear and may not necessarily serve as a reason for them not to commit suicide.

• Avoid Pollyanna type statements such as "It will be alright." "You will be ok." "It will get better." These statements may not necessarily be true and it devalues the feelings of the suffering. Try to remind them that they are working on the situation and to maintain their plan. The fact that someone else can walk off uneffected only serves to make them feel more isolated and causes them to discount inappropriate statements that are meant to encourage them.